10 Sexy & Playful Ways to Feel in Love Daily
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Chocolates and a romantic dinner for Valentine’s Day are beautiful ways to make us feel important, cared for, desired, and loved. To be at the center of your partner’s attentions undeniably feels good and is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Valentine’s Day is all about being in love.
These once-a-year efforts and attention, however, are not enough to carry a long-term couple for the rest of the year. Your love might be there, but you may not feel in love.
The difference between love and being in love is that the latter requires that extra effort and care on a daily basis. Being in love in not passive; it does not thrive when neglected. Like a gentle flower, being in love will wither and die without daily water, sun and nourishment.
If your goal is a rich and satisfying romantic relationship every day of the year, the connection needs to be fed with attention and care every day. It starts with daily ways to be in a couple bubble, where you and your partner feel like it’s just the two of you, walls down, naked, time moving at the speed of your breaths.
Whether it’s about having a heart-to-heart chat or a sneaking a hot make-out in the pantry during your own party, these couple-bubble moments shift the relation from love to being in love.
In this article, I provide 10 ways, plus a tasty bonus, on how to infuse that “in-love” feeling of Valentine’s Day in your everyday lives.
None of these require date night. Or spending money on chocolates or jewelry. Or much effort at all.
They do require your intentionality and commitment to showing up. No strings attached, just play.
1. Offer your appreciation of each other
Feeling important to each other is nourishment for our hearts — and the relationship. Therefore, it needs to be fed, daily.
Offering appreciations is a powerful way to help us feel seen and important to each other. It feels good when our impact and efforts are noticed. Not everyone receives appreciation in the same way, so it’s important to learn how your partners prefers to receive theirs.
Some people receive appreciation through words, literally needing to hear how their actions impact their partner. It might also include an acknowledgement of who they were being and how their partner sees them. Typically, women prefer to receive appreciation verbally and hear from their partners about the impact.
Some people receive appreciation through their partner’s actions that signal respect and desire for them. Typically for men, initiation of physical attention in the form of affection and sexual desire is a powerful way to feel appreciated. For example, their partner inviting them to spend time together and engaging with them in physical intimacy is received as an expression of desire for who they are, not just for what they do or provide. The list below offers many ideas for activities that can be an expression of appreciation of each other.
2. Meet each other in how you want to loved, desired and supported every day
There are two parts to this. First, each day, ask each other these three powerful questions and then do that something that your partner asks for to have them feel loved, desired and supported.
What would have you feel loved today?
What would have you feel desired today?
What would have you feel supported today?
Open-ended questions allow you to hear what really matters to your partner, not just what we assume or think they want. The process of opening up to each other creates intimacy. There are thousands of open-ended questions you can ask to learn about your partner and what’s really important to them — without the pressure to deliver in that passionate moment. I share with you more than 30 here in this downloadable PDF.
3. See each other, literally
If you’ve been together for ages, you probably don’t really know how your partner really looks anymore.
Just think of this question: when was the last time you actually looked at the features of your partner’s face? Or hands? Or eyes?
In the hustle and bustle of life, when life pulls us in a thousand directions, we stop to take time to see each other. Over time, we start to believe that “we know” each other, but the reality is that blur the details of the person in front of us, forming a rigid silhouette of a person. We stop seeing each other and the beautiful nuance that underlies our everyday path through life.
The antidote is to look at each other with fresh eyes.
How to do this: Set aside some time without interruptions. Turn off phones, close the door to noise. Sit or lie across from each other and for five minutes (set on a timer), look at each other’s faces. You can focus on the eyes, but that is typically more challenging. Instead, start with observing the facial features: the nose, cheeks, skin, lips, shape of face, contours. Notice the colors and textures. Observe the details of your partner as if you were an artist drawing a model. Really look at each other and see what’s there. When the timer rings, share what you saw, focusing on visual observations (such as shape, color, textures) and avoid judgements (such as “it was beautiful,” etc.).
4. Give each other a massage
Whether it’s to relieve some tension, or show affection, or engage in a sensual exchange, massage offers a way to connect physically without any goal but touch.
5. Take a bath together
From a fun bubble bath with play and giggles, to a sensual experience of essential oils, music, candles and slow touch, taking a bath together can be a very intimate and sensual affair that is all about your couple bubble.
6. Make out
The cool thing about making out as teenagers was that you did it because it felt good. It was exciting to kiss and touch and feel each other’s bodies. The good news is that you do not need to be a teenager to make out like one. Whether you set aside time from interruptions or sneak a make-out in the pantry room as the kids are doing their homework, it’s a fun way to connect and be playful and flirty any day.
7. Kiss for a long minute
Just like the make-out for no reason but to engage and play, a prolonged kiss allows you to connect and share a moment. Taking the time to linger allows you to actually feel into the flavor of the kiss and deeply receive it. With nowhere to go, no goal to achieve, what might be possible to feel in a long minute?
8. Lay naked with each other
Two naked bodies, next to each other, for no other reason than that skin-to-skin contact can feel so good. Slow down and feel each other’s skin, bones, muscle and fat. Explore each other’s nakedness. Just be with each other.
9. Dance to your favorite music
Love a good rock jam? Does your body want to move to swing music? Does hearing the tango ignites your arms and legs? Get up and dance together to your favorite music. Engage with playfulness and fun. Be physical with each other.
10. Talk about how you want to be touched & how you like to touch your partner
Just like talking about sex, talking about touch is a powerful connection ritual. As soon as we gain a voice to express ourselves as children, we gain the ability to shape the experience of touch to work for us. As adults, that ability to speak about touch allows us to invite our partner inside to know about our physical pleasure and our desires. It is all about intimacy.
Two powerful prompts to start with:
What touch feels good to you
How you like to touch your partner
BONUS: A chocolate meditation
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, don’t forget those chocolates! Slow down to taste them together and share in the sensual experience.
Taste is one of our senses, which means it has the power to turn us on — and to come alive. Doing it together, as a means of connection and turn on, is doubly powerful.
Listen to this guided recording on the chocolate meditation.
In summary …
The common theme between all of these connecting activities is the absence of the goal of sex. Instead, the goal is connection, fun, intimacy, and play through sensual and sexual engagement.
When you put the goal of sex aside, and instead connect through sexy activities, the performance pressure disappears and it turns into fertile ground for passion and intimacy. You get to let go and enjoy each other’s sexy company.
And passion and intimacy are the bedrock of a conscious and intimacy-based approach to sex that I call Connection Sex. It also happens that these make up fertile ground for women’s sexual desire in a long-term relationship. Without the pressure to have sex, a woman can relax into the connection, let her guard down, and open up sexually.
When we allow intimacy to drive, passion and freedom follow.
