33 Self-care Pleasure Practices for More Sexual Desire & Better Sex
/
Feeling sexy is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs. But how do we get there, especially after a busy day?
You can wait for your partner to ignite that fire — or you can light that match yourself and kindle the flame.
One of the best ways to feel sexy is to access our sexual energy from the inside — with self-pleasure!
I know that every woman knows the effect of pleasure deep down in her core — and her pussy.
When we feel pleasure, we feel good. And when we feel good, we start to feel good.
And don’t limit self-pleasure to masturbation. There is so much more to pleasure than a few seconds of pleasurable contractions of an orgasm. Think of building a state of heightened aliveness, energy and relaxation that you can feel all over your body, throughout your day and into the night.
This is the ultimate in self-care.
Follow these steps to experiment with these practices to fill your cup, transition from “the daytime you” to “the sexy you,” and feel the difference in sex.
Step 1: Download at the infographic and explore all 33 ideas
Step 2: Pick 5 that you might enjoy. Read longer descriptions below for each, then choose the one that sounds the yummiest in the moment.
Step 3: Do at least one every day and watch the results!
Want more? This is a snippet of what I teach in my extensive and life-changing FEED YOUR LIBIDO: The 5-Step Blueprint That Turns Your Good and Great Relationship into an Extraordinary One by helping you feel sexier, become more confident and enjoy sex.
Ground rules for self-pleasure:
Pleasure loves spaciousness. Give yourself the gift of time. Set aside distractions. Turn off your phone. Put a timer on, so you don’t have to worry when you have to get back to work. Even if all you’ve got is a mere 10 minutes to yourself, uninterrupted 10 minutes can make a big difference.
Pleasure loves slow. Notice if you are rushing through things and slow down. This is your time. The slower you go, the more pleasure you’ll feel — I promise!
Become a pleasure research scientist. Clear your mind of preconceptions of you do and don’t like, open your senses and explore what delicious treasures these practices will bring to you.
Please loves wet. Our genitals love moisture — and we need moisture around the delicate skin of our vulva and the vagina to keep it healthy and safe from tears. Use your fav oil or lube (I love coconut oil!). Plus, oils or oily lubes add pleasurable.
Pleasure loves play. Sometimes we need a reminder to simply play and enjoy ourselves. Some of these may not go as planned, so laugh it off and let that be your self pleasure of the day.
……………………………………………………
FOREPLAY FOR YOUR SENSES
1. Make yourself a fav cup of tea or coffee, then intentionally slow yourself down to taste and relish every sip.
2. Take a shower, exactly the way you love it: the right temperature, your fav implements and soaps. Linger to feel the water on your skin and hair. You’re showering for the experience (not the washing). Enjoy!
3. Make yourself a hot bath and linger with some essential oil scented bath salts and a teaspoon of coconut oil for added silkiness (my fav!). Put on music and candles. Feel the water on your skin. Soak in the pleasure.
4. Massage your whole body with oil (coconut oil is the best!), feeling the interaction of the oil with your skin, noticing the sensation of the silkiness all over your body.
5. With massage oil or without, stroke your body all over, slowly, exploring every inch with touch. Start with your arm, working up to shoulders and chest, including breasts, nipples, then face … moving across the whole body slowly. Notice how your fingertips respond to the slowness of touch. Notice how your body receives it.
6. Give yourself a localized sensual massage. Think a foot massage, arm massage, breast massage, face massage. Get some massage oil and try different touch around these areas. Try slow and fast. Pinch the skin and notice the difference in sensation. Explore.
7. Play with feathers. Get a couple of feathers, undress, and tease your body. Start with one area, move onto others. Notice how your body responds. Where does it feel pleasurable?
8. Play with your favorite plush fabric. Choose a soft plush toy or your favorite silk sheets and take a few minutes to touch and explore the fabric, noticing how it feels on your fingertips to touch it. Linger in the sensuality.
9. Take a slow walk in nature — by the water, in a garden, a forest, or a park — and look around. What do you notice? Take in the flowers, trees, colors, textures, sounds. Nature can be incredibly soothing — and erotically exciting — if we allow ourselves to experience it sensually. Walk around slowly. You’re not going to a destination; the experience is your destination.
10. Get yourself your favorite dessert or chocolate (or a savory treat, if not a sweets person) and slowly relish each bite. Notice the textures and flavors within each bite, then bite to bite. Savor it.
11. Lose yourself in your favorite music. Crank it up high or turn it low, and listen to each note. My favorite: I combine taking a salt bath and John Coltrain for Lovers track and relish bathing in the sensuality of water and jazz.
12. For an extra hot sensual exploration, play with different foods on your skin: pour honey for something sweet, add sugar for an extra delicious scrub.
TURN UP YOUR IMAGINATION
13. There is something about dreaming up our desires that turns up our heat. Get your journal and write down what you want. However big or small, all desires are important. Use the format “I want …,” write in the positive and be sure to be specific: “I want to linger in a hot bath tonight, taking in my favorite tea tree oil essence, and feeling the warmth and softness permeate to the core.” Can you feel the heat already?
14. Recall the best sex you’ve ever had and feel into it. Feel the details of the setting. What led up to sex? How did you feel? What kind of touch was happening? What felt incredible? How were you with your partner? How did you feel afterwards? Notice what happens when you allow yourself to linger in the experience. Recalling memories has the same effect on the body as reliving them. Let your best experiences turn you on today.
15. Let sexy stories set the mood and spark your imagination. There are no borders to ways to feel pleasure. Dig up your favorite erotic novel or let apps such as Dipsea take you to sexy places.
16. Grab your journal and let your imagination go. Envision your favorite sex scene and paint it in words, colors or figures. What do you see? What’s the mood like? What’s happening? Can you feel your partner’s touch on your skin? Is it getting hot in here already … ?
STIR UP PLEASURE THROUGH MOVEMENT
17. Put on your favorite song and dance to it like no one’s watching. Dance for you!
18. Movement as meditation is a powerful way to discover pleasure in every move. Put your favorite music on, and allow your body to lead the way of movement, paying attention to how and where your body wants to move. This dance is not about following steps but allowing the music to move you to ecstatic pleasure (which is why the term “ecstatic dance” is often used to describe this kind of dance). Follow the body and trust that it will lead you to freedom and pleasure. Watch this video to get a sense of it here.
19. Belly dancing is pure sensuousness and has enchanted humans since ancient times. Aside from its spectator allure, belly dancing offers many physical and emotional benefits, including increasing libido and cultivating feelings of sensuality and sexuality. Try it. Find a YouTube video or tutorial or take a class. Your sex drive will thank you!
20. Play dress-up with lingerie — for you. Put on some sexy lingerie — or take it off altogether — and sashay in front of the mirror, exaggerating movements of the hips and shoulders. Delight in yourself. Have fun!
21. Shake it out. Create a sensation akin to a body-shaking orgasm by allowing yourself to shake it out. Start by shaking your hands and arms. Add in legs. Add in the entire body. Shaking is a powerful way to release tension and frustration and liberate sexual energy to flow freely.
LET YOUR SOUL COME ALIVE
22. It’s no wonder that crying is likened to a good orgasm. It’s an orgasm for the soul. Holding back crying may feel practical, but it also blocks us from accessing emotional relief and pleasure. If you need to cry, let yourself have it. You’ll feel better after.
23. One of life’s simplest pleasures is silence. Take a walk on your own, find a quiet spot outside or cuddle up in your favorite quiet room in the house. Tune into the silence. Notice the absence of busyness and noise. Find the pleasure in the intimacy of nothingness.
24. Afternoon nap. No rush. Nuff said.
25. Have a full-on belly laugh. Funny cat videos? Watching your toddler crack up over the tiniest things? A laughing yoga class? A good belly laugh feels as good as the best pleasure.
TURN UP THE SEXY!
26. Breath is a powerful way to “touch” your genitals. Take a breath, and imagine channeling your breath to your genitals. Notice what happens. Do it a few times intentionally and notice any changes.
27. Use your own hands to do an internal vaginal massage. Wash your hands. Apply a good oil-based lube such as coconut oil (water-based lubes dry out quickly). Before you go inside, start on the outside of your genitals, gently massaging the labia. Notice the different textures of the skin, the hair, the folds. Go sloooooooowly. Notice any tension you might be holding in your pelvis, and allow it to melt away on the exhale. Work up to entering inside — and it may not happen on the first try. The slower you go, the more your body can feel safe in your own hands. When your body gives you the green light (when you feel relaxed), very slowly enter yourself with your fingers. In slow motion, feel yourself on the inside. Find the g-spot. Locate the cervix. Check-in with your body as you touch yourself: how do you feel: relaxed, tense, invigorated? Is this pleasant or unpleasant?
28. Play with your clitoris, exploring pressure. Wash your hands. Apply a good oil-based lube such as coconut oil (water-based lubes dry out quickly). Before you go inside, start on the outside of your genitals, gently massaging the labia. Then find the clitoris. Hold your finger over it and feel its energy. It’s like a little heartbeat in your pussy. Then start stroking your clitoris with light pressure, just with the tip of your finger. Feel into it. Then switch up to heavier pressure, on the border with rubbing, and notice the juxtaposition. Then switch it up to lighter pressure again. By varying the pressure, you can create an infinite number of combinations of pleasure.
29. Play with clitoris, exploring different motions. Following the instruction from above, start from the outside, then on the clitoris. Explore how your body responds to different kind of motions: up/down, circular, teasing short strokes, long strokes, pulsating. Check-in with your body as you touch yourself: do you feel relaxed? Is this pleasant or unpleasant?
30. Explore internally with a dildo. Follow instructions above, using oil and starting from the outside. Use one made of impermeable materials that are easy to clean, such as glass. When your body feels relaxed, slowly insert the dildo and move slowly inside. Explore different corners of the vagina with different pressures.
31. Explore your nipples. Using the same principles of exploration, play with different kind of touch on your nipples, varying pressure and the kind of touch you apply.
32. Breathe yourself into an altered state of ecstasy. Take a deep breath, then on the exhale, breathe out and make noise. With each exhale, increase the noise, allowing movement in your jaw. Let yourself go on the exhale. Don’t “try” to do anything that your body doesn't want to do naturally; allow the body to become more and more free and released.
33. Play with edging. The most intense physical pleasure is like a roller-coaster: we climb up to a peak, then fly down (without going over the edge), only to build up to another and another. Edging allows you to create a similar experience with your body, bringing you to the edge of pleasure, then slowing down. Explore edging with your clitoris. Using any or all of the above practices, build up arousal just to the edge point, then slow down and let the body relax without going over the edge into climax. Then start back up again. By mastering edging, you can create an ongoing orgasmic experience.
BONUS PRACTICES FOR EXTRA FIRE
34. Ready for more sensation? Combine any of the sensual practices in the first category with any of the self touch practices #27-31 and see how your body responds to increased stimulation.
35. Self pleasure need not be solitary. Explore practices 27-31 in the arms of your partner. Ask them to hold you while you explore self touch. Remember this is about you — with the added pleasure of being held and even touched by your partner. Your partner will appreciate the vulnerability of seeing you in pleasure.
36. Combine practice #20: trying on your lingerie with practice #19: belly dancing. Watch your body in the mirror making beautiful undulating movements that are guaranteed to wake up sexual energy in your pelvis.
Enjoy!
Also see:
And if you want more access to pleasure in your life, in sex and beyond, join the empowering, deep, educational and enjoyable process of connecting to your pleasure in my signature online self-learning program: FEED YOUR LIBIDO: The 5-Step Blueprint that Turns Good & Great Relationships into Extraordinary Ones. Do it in the privacy of your own home, at your pace, and shift how you experience pleasure forever.