What Is Sex Coaching?

Frequently Asked Questions


 

Q: What is sex coaching?

Sex coaching is a shame-free zone to breakthrough blocks to feeling confident, at ease and free in your sex life. 

As a sex coach, I help clients remove the blocks to moving forward towards their highest sexual potential. For some clients, it may be feeling more present and confident in their body so they enjoy sex with their partners. For others, it may be being able to orgasm without inhibition with their partners.

Together, we identify my client's vision, values and desires and create frameworks, practices and pathways to achieve them. Sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment.

Q: Who are your clients?

A: I work with a variety of clients, women and men alike, who desire deeper intimacy and sexual connection. 

  • Anxiety around intimate situations, such as sexual touch, intercourse, or asking for what they want
  • Emotional triggering (fear, tears, anxiety, shutdown) during sex
  • Low or no libido
  • Inability to orgasm, alone or with a partner
  • Numb vagina or pain and tightness with intercourse
  • Needing to use drugs or alcohol in order to relax during sex
  • Disconnecting from their body and sensuality after cancer treatment
  • Post partum loss of sexual desire 

They tried to address this with their trusted medical and mental professionals only to hear ... 

  • “It’s normal not to want sex. It’s part of being married.”
  • “It’s possible that you’re asexual.”
  • “Intimacy anxiety just means that you're not meant to be in a relationship.”
  • “It’s normal to lose your libido when you have children.”
  • “Desire and enjoyment of sex do drop with menopause. It's normal.”

Q: How are you different from other sex coaches?

A: Unlike many sex coaches, I went through what many of my clients went through, and I understand the emotional, psychological and relational challenges of losing your libido as well as what it takes to reconnect to your body and your sex drive. 

My approach to sex coaching is somatic (body-based) in nature, and it's rooted in pleasure. Because pleasure is the ultimate antidote to our disconnect from our sexual energy and life force. It is about rewiring your body towards pleasure.

I focus on what I call the “pleasure quota”, which is about getting to the baseline of pleasure you need so you can live in its overflow. The reality is that most women are depleted of the essential nutrient of pleasure and are running on empty. Since sexual energy is not necessary for survival in the moments of stress (be it external, such as from a partner or work, or internal, such self-doubt, self-criticism, and past trauma), our sex drive shuts down to give us energy to deal with stress. 

The "pleasure quota" approach includes first learning to account for your energy and removing things, activities (and people) who drain you, learning to say no, listening to your body (not your head) for answers to what you want, learning how to relax, cultivating your sensuality, understanding and appreciating your life story and experience, and finding pleasure in life.

You will not only see changes in your body, libido and sexual responsiveness–this approach creates deep changes that permeate your work choices, overall life satisfaction, how you relate to others, and many other lifestyle choices, affecting your inner sense of power and leading to deep inner peace, calm and confidence.

Q: What results can I expect?

A: Before working with me, many of my clients felt …

  • Unsatisfied and unhappy with themselves, their sex life and their relationships
  • Numb in their bodies
  • Disconnected from their sexuality and desire
  • Anxious talking with their partner about intimate things
  • Guilty or ashamed about having a low libido
  • Scared to initiate sexual connection
  • Disconnected from their sensuality
  • Disappointed with past relationships and wondering if they'll finding a partner to share a fulfilling relationship
  • Exhausted by their daily life to feel sexual
  • Confused about their desires and who they are
  • Not able to orgasm easily, on their own or with their partners
  • Frustrated or unsure about their ability to be sexual after menopause, cancer treatment, or childbirth 

After working together, my clients:

  • Feel energized, sexy and turned on in their body
  • Feel sexual desire
  • Have more lightness, fun and exploration with sex, intimacy and relationships
  • Uncover what works for their body in sex and learn to ask for exactly what they want
  • Enjoy a positive, self-image and attract people who appreciate them as they are
  • Feel confident in their body (whatever body size, shape or age they are)
  • Attract the attention from partners they want and feel confident and safe doing so
  • Have the energy they need to create the fulfilling life and relationships they long for

Q: How is sex coaching different from sex therapy?

A: Sex coaching is very different from sex therapy, although there are some aspects of it that may feel therapeutic.

The main difference comes from the intention of the modality. While there are many types of therapy today, historically therapy has been based on the medical model that identifies what is not working (a pathology) and works to fix it with a course of treatment. Similar to a general therapist, a sex therapist has the authority to diagnose a disorder and prescribe treatment.

Based on the human potential model, sex coaching, and coaching in general, has a different energy and feel to it. Coaching is not about diagnosing or treating a mental health issue. Coaching is action-oriented, with a focus on the client's current life and plans for the future. There is overlap between therapy and coaching, and a well-trained, experienced coach knows when a client needs therapy instead of coaching. Because of this, it is not uncommon for me to refer clients to experienced licensed professionals.

Coaching provides more than talking about your life. As a sex coach, I help clients remove the blocks to moving forward towards their highest potential. Together, we identify their vision, values and desires and create frameworks, practices and pathways to achieve them. Sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment.

Whereas therapy and coaching both aim at helping you lead a fulfilling life, the energy, approach and intentions may feel different.

The type of coaching I practice, Co-Active Coaching, is based on possibility and breakthroughs through action (and play)—during and between sessions. Your success with coaching depends on how much you choose to engage and participate in the learning process. 

In coaching, while we will certainly talk about your past, and how it impacts your beliefs and actions today, the focus of our work will be the present and the future—that is, what's working in what you're doing now, what needs to change, and what actions you need to take to have what you want.

Additionally, coaching is co-created by you and me. Although I am an expert in the field and will offer education and different perspectives to consider, in our coaching relationship, my role is not to advise, fix or consult you. You, as the client, are in the driver's seat. I am trained to listen with curiosity and without judgement, to use my intuition and to call you forth to your highest potential—empowering you to take action that is best for you with confidence, clarity and resolve.

Q: How can I experience your approach to see if it's the right fit for me to work with you?

A: I invite you to get in touch with me for an initial free 15-minute phone consultation to learn more about working together. Fill out this form and I'll be in touch to set up a time to talk.