You were born a wild one ... wildly creative, passionate and intense. You had ideas, dreams - to lead, to create change in the world, to love big and strong. You were one fiery spirit, seeking others to fan your flames. You connected deeply to others. You felt your sex, your power as a woman.
You expressed yourself - big and loud. For some, it was hard to handle. You were uncalibrated and you sometimes singed bystanders. Then someone told you that you're too much, too loud, too passionate, too vocal.
You felt it all - the pain of rejection, sadness, hurt - and you felt it deeply. You are a sensitive soul so you started judging yourself for having the desires and the innate passions in the first place.
You decided that the wild one was too much. Her fire was too hot to handle.
You did not rebel or fight against it. Instead, you pulled back the intensity. You toned down the ignition. You became invisible. You held her back.
You started taming her to be a good girl. You learned to not speak your mind for fear of rejection for being too big, too much. You worked harder in school. You put in the extra hours at your job. You went out of your way to please your man and keep him around. You did not want to make anyone angry. You put your desires aside for the children.
You learned to hold back desires for what you really wanted. You decided that no one could ever deliver on them. You disapproved of your desires.
Yet deep inside, you felt lonely. We were hungry for connection, for the profound relaxation of being held safely in the presence of another human being. You craved being celebrated just for who you are.
You felt powerless, and you did not even know it. You started to think life is this hard and empty. That's just the way it is.
And you also found yourself angry at the world. You were born with passion, ideas and there was no space for them. No space for you. Someone needed to take the blame.
But you are a sensitive, gentle soul, so you disapproved of the anger. You saw that it hurts people. You developed shame around it. You sought out ways to tame it. Compartmentalize it. Fold it up and burry it in a box, in the basement of your soul.
Over time, you become numb. You disconnected from your body, so you did not have to feel the pain. It was too much to handle, so why bother with it. You lost your zest for living. You forgot why you got out of bed every morning. You dimmed your fire until it was no more, a dying amber.
Today, you hide behind work, endless hobbies and activities, or in dead-end relationships. They have become your excuse to keep going while they hold you prisoner. You lost touch with what you want. Your body lost feeling and sensation to the subtle things, and only the extremes - pangs of intense anger or pleasure - transmit through. You've hit a wall.
And you are constantly asking yourself, "is there more to life than this"?
IS THIS YOU?
I feel you here. This is no easy place to be.
The good news is that hitting a dead-end is part of the journey. It's time to read the road signs in front of you, telling you that you've gone the wrong way. You've sacrificed too much of yourself to fit in. This is not what you want.
The even-better good news is that your wild one is still there. She is still alive. She knows what you want. Because she is your soul.
And she is asking for help. Screaming, actually. She wants to be freed. She wants to live according to her desires. She wants to be seen. She wants to express herself, her love, her heart. She wants to change the world. Her desire to live is strong and so is her power.
She is in there, and she is self-conscious and scared to be seen. The past hurts left scars, and the wounds have barely healed. She wants the confidence that she can make it. She wants her fire rekindled.
You are her biggest and closest ally. You have the power to set her free. Fan her flames so she can stand up on her feet again. Champion her so she can be the powerful, wild and passionate woman that you know yourself to be. She wants to be on fire - and she wants you to ignite the world with yours.
Go find her. She's waiting for you.